Maria -'s space

I hope every one had a great halloween.  The kids wore me out.  Now there is too much candy in my  house.  I am going to probably gain about 500 pounds this week trying to get rid of the candy!  LOL

I CRIED AGAIN


TEARDROPS FELL THE NIGHT YOU SAID
I LOVE YOU DEAR THEN YOU WERE WED
I WATCHED YOU WHILE YOU HELD HIS HAND
THEN I BOWED MY HEAD AND CRIED AGAIN

1ST CHORUS

I CRIED AGAIN WHEN I REACHED HOME
THERE SET YOUR PICTURE ALL ALONE
I THOUGHT OF THINGS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
THEN I BOWED MY HEAD AND CRIED AGAIN


I TOOK YOUR LETTERS FROM THE SHELF
AND I READ ALOUD JUST TO MYSELF
AND JUST BEFORE I REACHED THE END
I BOWED MY HEAD AND CRIED AGAIN

2ND CHORUS

I THOUGHT OF NIGHTS SO LONG AGO
AND OF THE LOVE I WANTED SO
AND THEN HOW FATE HAD TOOK HAND
THEN I BOWED MY HEAD AND CRIED AGAIN

THEN I BOWED MY HEAD AND CRIED AGAIN

Can you believe that it is October already?  The weather is turning to fall weather and it will be winter before we know it.  I am not so sure I am ready for all that snow and winter yet.  I wish it could stay like this all year!

Sunday was such a good day.  My friend and I took the kids to AnnArbor and we went to the Museum at the University to see the dinosars.  I have a son who is soooo into that stuff.  After that we went to the Childrens Hands on Museum.  We had a blast.  There was so much to do and I didn't even have to yell to "Keep your hands off of that!".  We finished the night off with a good dinner and even managed to leave Red Lobster in one piece when we left!  LOL  I hope every one else had a good weekend too! 

I just thought I would say hello to everyone.  My life has been hectic doing all of the summer time fun things with the kids.  I am soooo looking forward to a night out soon!  I hope every one is doing well and is happy.  Take care!

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

The weather has been beautiful lately!  I just love it.  I haven't been able to do the running I would like to, so if you were my my neighbors you would probably be laughing your butt off at me.  I have the kids out in the yard and I run circles around my yard so that I can keep an eye on them.  Oh well, I have to do what I have to do.  I just can imagine what people think.  LOL  I hope every one is enjoying the awsome weather as much as me!

It seems like time has been flying by lately.  My son has been home on spring vacation and we have been busy doing fun things for him and the girls.  We have been going through the house and sorting out clothes that my little weeds are out growing sooo fast to take to donate to a place that can use them.  I guess there is not enough time in this week!

For some reason I have been thinking to much today.  Thinking about the love of my life that passed away before my son was born.  I have not thought about him this much in a long time.  Life can be so unfair sometimes.  He has been gone for 13 years.  Why today?  Why am I thinking of him so much today?  Maybe it is looking at my son and seeing so much of his Dad in him?  Maybe it is the tall young man that my son has turned into.  It is amazing that I have to look up to look my son in his eyes now.  I sometimes see his dad in his eyes.  I wish that he knew the man that his Dad was.  I have been through so much in the past 13 years.  I have been in and out of love a few times.  I now have 2 beautiful daughters.  I may not have given birth to them, but they are very much mine.  My son is such a wonderful big brother to the girls.  Life was supposed to be so different.  Life is so different...

My bestest friend Sue is on her way up her soon from Kentucky.  She is leaving in the am.  I am so worried about her and her family making this trip will all of the bad weather in the forecast.  I have been cleaning, cleaning and cleaning!  I don't know why, LOL, it isn't like she hasn't seen a dirty house before!  With as many kids as she has, how could her house be clean all the time!  lol.  This weekend is my big birthday party.  A year ago I didn't think I would be alive for this.  Actually I have a lot to celebrate this year.  More than just my birthday!  Those that know me, know what I am talking about.  This past year things have gotton so much better and this next year is going to be even better!

Today I had to get an epidural for my back pain.  So far it seems to be working.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.  I want to be able to go skating this weekend.  I am going to be in a small competion.  No big deal but skating has been my love and just something I want to do.  It was a big ordeal to get the kids ready, to a sitter, get a ride to get the procedure done and back home.  Now I am not supposed to be lifting any thing over 5 pounds, which makes it real hard to take care of a baby.  Thank goodness for my 13 year old.  He loves his new sisters and does a lot to help me.  I am keeping my hopes high that this epidural helps my back!

I managed to get my whole house cleaned today!  Wow!  What a chore.  I made peanut butter cookies and a crock pot of beef stew too.  I went to the secretary of state today, got my license renewed today.  What fun it was dragging the 2 girls around with me.  Thank goodness they were not busy there.  They were glad to get rid of me I bet.  The baby was screaming and Tala was talking to any one who she could get to listen to her!  I am so glad I got the truck I got.  It is pretty easy putting 2 car seats in.  I didn't plan 2 months ago to have the new baby, so I was lucky I got it or I would be driving something really cramped.  I just read what I wrote.  It was funny to me.  I guess I don't even think about the girls being adopted any more.  I just think of them as my babies!

Today is one of those days I keep wondering, is there any real men left out there any more?  I mean a good man.  One who is honest to his woman, opens a door for her.  A man you can laugh and have fun with.  Just a lonely day I guess.  Ahh heck.  What do I need a man again for.  I have my kids.  They have been my life any way.

You know some day I hope I have this figured out.  I wish there was someone to help me make some changes that I would like to make!

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing trying to raise these kids, but I love them and they have made such a difference in my life.  I love them so much.  I need a night time nanny so I can get some sleep!  LOL

What a wonderful morning it is.  Tala is playing quietly.  The key word is QUIETLY!  Cody is at school,  I think I finally get some time to just my self!  Wow!  It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day today.  The sun is out and they are saying a high of 50.  I wonder what happened to winter?

Here it is almost the New Year.  This past year has been such an experience for me.  I have gone from almost loosing my life to getting healthier every day.  I am slowly getting my life back in order.

 

I had thought I found the love of my life.  It is sad in a way that now we can't even be friends.  I have days that I wonder how he is and how his family is.  Why?  I don't know.  He wasn't there for me when I needed him.  Of course he puts the blame all on me, but I tried.  I really tried.  It was even hard for me to give in to ask him for things.  Then, when I did give in, I was totally blown away.  I guess that shows who your friends really are.  When I think back, I think it was just a way to make himself look good to other people.  Unfortunately I still wish we could be at least friends, but he made it clear to me that we couldn't.

 

And then I met Scott.  :-)  Thanks for being understanding.  OMG I don't know what I would do with out having your shoulder to vent on.  Thank you for taking an interest in my son.  He sure needs a male figure in his life.  Even though there is no romance in our life right now, I think of Scott as my friend.  He truely has been there for me.  He spent hours and hours putting my little princesses bedroom set together.  Can you say she is spoiled?  Naaa not my baby.  LOL